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  • Henriette Sjölund

Anny

Today on my way home from dropping the boys at school I started thinking about my Grandma. The last time I saw her. I was visiting in Oslo and she was living in a elderly home at the time. Not able to take care of herself anymore. She sat in a chair with no clothes from the waist down. She had a lot of water in her body coming out from wounds on her legs. She could see us, but showed little reaction. It was very hard seeing her in that condition. With me living abroad and not be able to see her to often this was kinda a shock. I talked to her for a while and the last thing I said to her before I left was "Soon it`s all gonna be better". I knew that this would be the last time I saw her. When we left she managed to say "No" several times. Maybe she knew, maybe she was afraid, or maybe she just wanted someone to hold her. I regret that I walked out of the room. I put my own needs before hers. It was to hard seeing her in that condition. I didn`t know how to react or what to do. And I didn`t wanna cry infront of her. So I left. That is something I regret and I always will. Painfully and deeply. I now and then ask her for forgiveness and I hope she can hear me. One day we`ll meet again and then I will hold her. Penelope is named after her. Anny. She was so strong. And fun. One of a kind she was. Penelope is a lot like her. All the women in my family are strong. Perhaps because I have been surrounded by that my whole life I see strong as the only way. It`s very important for me to be strong, in every way. But sometimes I need to remind myself that it`s ok to show a little weakness. Something I was reminded about not so long ago after a long period of little sleep and my own needs put to side. Life is funny that way. You learn, you react and act. Then you forget. And you need to learn again. As long as you can see the bigger picture and look at yourself from another angle there will always be growth. And growth is power. No matter were it comes from. My daughter is also gonna grow up surronded by strong women and I`ll do my best to let her know that weakness is not a bad thing. It can be the key to growth.